i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
