This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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