I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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