peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
