Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
