sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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