If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
