while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
