No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My penis needs a shock collar
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
