Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
