I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
