Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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