i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
