i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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