I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
