I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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