You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
