I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
