Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
