my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
