Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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