Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize