No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
