I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
