he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
