These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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