I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
