I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
