I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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