Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
