moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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