Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
