im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
