What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
