sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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