I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
