My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
