Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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