this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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