Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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