well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
