i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
