i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
