Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
