I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
