you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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