wanna go halves on a baby?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
