either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
