We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didn't shave. On purpose
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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