Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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