Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
