I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
