When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
