Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
