dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
