im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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