it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
