Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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