Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
