Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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