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The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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