so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
