omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
