i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
