"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Text me some of your sweat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
