I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
