tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
