btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
