Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it fun? or sober?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
