The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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