It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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