I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
