there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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