i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize