I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
