I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
