My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
