By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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