DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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