Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
