Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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