I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
