I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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