Your dad touched me again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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