TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
