i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
